(Ismétlésképpen: ha „Janka” idézőjelben látható a címben, akkor az azt jelenti, hogy a Janka férfi. Mert nemcsak a nőknek lehet problémáik a szerelem útvesztőjében, hanem a férfiaknak is. Tudom, ezzel nem mondtam újat.)
A net hihetetlen, végtelenített vadászmezőt, terülj-terülj asztalkát jelent egyes net patkányoknak.
Kihasználják a tudatlanságot, azt, hogy a sötétségben való kotorászás művészetébe sokan nem látnak bele, agyukkal fel sem fogják, hogy egyesek mire képesek.
Na, és megint mit vesznek célba? Persze, hogy azt! Az emberi gyengeséget! Azt célozzák meg!
Vegyünk egy kanszolidált férjet, aki beállt a sorba, nap mint nap elmegy dolgozni, a főnökével hol jóban, hol rosszban van, a haja kezd kihullani – főleg a fejtetőn. Az asszony hízásnak indult, és már második gyerekkel terhes amúgy is. Őnagysága fő foglalkozása: nyűgös. És úgy érzékeli Árpád, hogy ha valami olyasmit kérne tőle, ami az ő komfort érzetét növelné, rögtön van valami kifogása: a kis Bélának fáj a hasa, lázas, jön a foga stb. stb.
Szóval egyre inkább úgy érzi magát a mi Árpádunk, hogy csak robotolni jó, semmi másra. Na, és itt van az anyósa, aki valóban csak porhanyósan lenne igazán jó. Állandóan piszkálja valamivel, közben szemtől szemben mézesmázos, ám ahogy hátat fordít neki, már fűti Olgát, hogy ő egy nagy, semmirekelő.
Szóval ez nem élet ez így, és bánatát belefojtja a net hűvös-zűrös tengerébe. „Felmegy” egy társkereső oldalra – ezekből Dunát lehet rekeszteni -, és bejelentkezik. Ez pont olyan, mint amikor valaki bemegy egy kocsmába, és kér egy kisüstit.
Mit ad Isten, egy jó kis bögyös, kívánatos hölgy, egy díva, egy álom bombázó telibe találja őt, Árpádot, aki 35 éves létére is már annyira potrohosnak, lottyadtnak érzi magát, mivel csakugyan az. Ugyanis arra már nincs lelki ereje, hogy rendszeresen eddze magát. Szóval ez a nagybögyös nőci, Emancipa megtalálta Árpádot. Árpád pedig nem vette rossznéven.
Ez a nő annyira irreálisan szép volt, amit eddigi élete során nem tapasztalt soha. És rá figyelt. Jujjj!
Beszélgettek, sőt mi több, még a skype-ra is felmentek „egymás-közszemlére”. És reggel lévén, az asszonya még alszik a másik szobában, a kis krapek is, ami kész csoda.
Emancipának még nem volt ideje felöltöznie, egy kis lenge, lepkefingszerű hálóingecskécske van rajta. Oh, ez nem célzatos, de hát meg kell érteni mindenkinek, annyi ideje sem volt, hogy valamit felkapjon magára. Igaz, haja frissen ondolálva, a sminkje kifogástalan…
Már éppen részletezték volna, hogy …hol is tartottam? – amikor benyit a feleség, aki a férje hangjára ébred fel a szomszéd szobában.
- Ki ez a kis bögyös Maca? -, kérdi, mit kérdi, üvölti, mint a fúria.
- Ez? – Árpád teljesen zavarba jön, de kivágja magát a bajból – Hát, a barátom.
- A barátoooooooooooood? – Villámokat szórt a feleség, méltóságában teljesen megtiporva, mert Emancipa sokkal jobban nézett ki, mint ő. Több klasszissal jobban, és rá kellett döbbennie, hogy bizony az utóbbi időkben tökéletesen elhanyagolta magát, tehát egyre kevésbé válik szerethetővé. A féltékenység pörzs szaga fojtogatta a levegőt. A gyerek belebőgött a tudatuk hátsó zugába.
Árpád érezte, tudta, hogy a játéknak vége, nem szemlélheti már Emancipa hullámzó kebleit, melyek oly látványt jelentettek számára, mint a sivatagi vándornak az izzó levegőben remegő, csábító óázis képe. Szinte a bőre illatát is érezte. Bearanyozta a napját, ha tudott vele szót váltani.
„Vége mindennek” -, zakatolt agyában, és fáradtan vette fel szemüvegét, amelyet akkor tett le az asztalára, amikor a felesége benyitott a szobába. És pont akkor még Skpype-on volt „barátja” teljes bögy-nagyságban.
Az üstökös, mely gyönyörű ívet írt le a világmindenségben, hidegen hullot vissza az örök sötétségbe.
Ha nem lennék maximalista, most itt befejezném, de itt azért érdemes hozzáfűzni valamit. Mert Árpád egy irtó mázlista alak. Tudjátok! Ugyanis ezek a „kis csibészek” pontosan a házas emberekre vadásznak, a kis munkagüzülőkre, akiknek kijár(na) egy kis kikapcsolódás. És a nagy intim szférába, még az is belefér egy idő után, hogy egy kicsit meztelenkednek, ne adj Isten egy kis net-pettingelés is. És a kis naívak – Árpádok és Jánosok – azt gondolják, hogy mindez a szolgáltastás ingyen van! Nem, semmi sincs ingyen! Az ő két szép, vizenyős szemükért senki sem fog – akár csak – öt percig sem a képernyő előtt lopni a napot. És azért lássunk világosan: Emancipa nem az az Emancipa, amit Árpádunknak vetítettek, mert ő csak egy csali személyében vakított.
Nem tűnt fel neki, mármint Árpádnak, hogy Emancipával sosem beszélt személyesen, tehát hangját nem hallotta, mert hogy „rossz a mikrofon”. Egy „vetített” nőci-bombázóval beszélgetett, azaz csetelt.
Valószínűleg egy férfi válaszolt neki. Viszont ha a vetített Emancipa rá tudja venni Árpádunkat egy kis huncutka mozdulatra, olyan kis pajzán mozdulatokra gondolok, a nagy önkivületben – tudjátok -, azt dokumentálják.
Bizony itt minimum ketten vannak ebben a bussines dologban, a másik oldalon. És máris elkezdődhet a jó, kis kövér zsarolás. A többit meg már Ti is tudjátok…
Szóval ezt úszta meg Árpád, akinek vizenyős szemét pára lengte be, mert Emancipa elúszott a net óceánján.
Talán már számotokra is (meg főleg nekem) kiderült, hogy Janka kalandjai első- és utolsósorban párkapcsolati problémákról szól. Előzetes részei:
Janka kalandjai (1.) Szerelmi oldások (vagy nem)
Janka kalandjai (2.) Biztos vesztes pozíció
Janka kalandjai (3.) Milyen a videó szex?
Janka kalandjai (4.) Facebook színekben
Janka kalandjai (5.) Nem jó időben találkoztunk
Janka kalandjai (6.) Már úgy hiányzol, drágám!
Janka kalandjai (7.) Erdőtűz gyufa nélkül
Janka kalandjai (8.) „Semmi több”
Janka kalandjai (9.) A szerelem édenkertje
Ha barangolni akarsz a blogom lankáin, megteheted!
INSTAGRAM: simonmara54
(melyet ritkán látogatok)
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